post 5. on why i run.

when i was younger and still in primary school, say around six-ish, we used to play this game in school during break that we call "catching", what westerners would call "tag". i was really good, cos i was fast on my feet. i was not only fast, i could cut corners and change abrupt diretions. (hey, itx not as easy as it sounds ^^) so thatx when i first fell in love with running.

so when it came around for us to choose extra-curricular activities in primary six, i naturally tried out for the track and field team. thought it would be a breeze cos the teacher in charge had taught me before a few years ago, and well, i thought we had an understanding. apparently not. when i went to hand in the form, she rejected my form out of hand, saying i was "too skinny." oh, miss lai, you broke my tender heart with those harsh words, true as they may have been. couldn't you have lied? see, i still remember your name after all these years because of what you said!

so out of sheer pique and disappointment, i stopped running. i was twelve then, and i bid farewell to my first love (running, not miss lai, though i think i must have had a small crush on her then. lol. but of course, it died with those harsh words of hers.)

years passed. i turned sixteen. i flew to america. met many people, some special, others not so close, btht still, we met in this life. still think of the people i met fondly occasionally. strange, but i never write or call them. had my first serious crush/unrequited love on a real girl. lol. it was terrible, sweet, all-consuming, but thatx another story.

three years later. returned home to serve national service. ended up in an armour unit, and surprisingly, had to start running again. you would think that ppl with tanks would have no need to run. you would be wrong.

it was a different kind of running. not the explosive sprints i could do before, which admittedly, i realised to my chagrin, i had lost. i was required to run long distances, carrying heavy loads, scale obstacles, and still have to run some more. on the road, in the jungle, in the mud, it was all the same. walk all day under the sun, run and follow my company as they assaulted some nameless hill, run some more to render medical aid, and carry on walking. it was a tedious, dirty, stressful, not exactly happy time, but somewhere in the middle of that, i rediscovered my first love.

at first, it was because i was bad at it. frankly, i was not at the level of physical fitness the armour troopers were at, as i joined them halfway from the medical corps. lol. it was embarrassing to have your platoon mates run back and run with you to the finish line because they finished first. but it was good of them.

received special attention of course. extra training to jack up my fitness while the others were resting. somehow, i got there and so the special training ended. but i started running on my own at night, cos there was nothing else to do. there was only so much tv and girly mags i could take, and that was really all you could do in your spare time while in-camp, if you have any spare time that is . it was an escape from being constantly surrounded/hounded by fellow frustrated soldiers, an escape from the heartache i left behind in the states even though it was years ago, a way to pretend that things would turn better soon when there was no end in sight.

even when i was on my discharge leave, i kept up with the running. at first, it was more because i did not want to lose the fitness level i had attained than because i really loved it.

finally discharged from the army. flew to australia. fell in love with the clear, wide, blue sky that reminded me so much of the robin-egg blue skies of california. it was the first thing i saw when i stepped out of the airport. the sky. i thought i was back in california again.

continued running. met my first long-term girlfriend in perth. had good times, had bad times; hopefully, more good than bad. and somewhere in the middle of that, i got lazy and stopped running. lol.

i must state that it was not her fault. she did try to get me out of the door numerous times, but i was just too complacent. :p

about two months ago, i broke up with her. no, there was no affair, no third person. it was nothing so dramatic so stop prying.

i started running again. cos i wanted to.

because it makes me feel alive, so alive when you're sprinting with all your might down the field and you can't seem to get enough air into your lungs and you're running until it feels like you have no legs and you can't stop, and when you do, the taste of the cold night air taken in big gulps.

because i get to see things, like the giant flock of crows wheeling and swooping above me against the orange and red evening sky as i run under them, gaping like a fool. the glint of sun beams shining through the green trees. rows of silent trees standing along empty streets. and the sky, always the sky, blue , red, purple, yellow, gray, splashed with all the colours of the rainbow, but always there, wide open.

because itx my time alone, my time away from my thoughts and preoccupations. stillness in motion, thatx the closest i can come to describing it.

because it lets me better know what kind of person i am.

because i love it.

thatx why i run.